i just received a notice...

i just received a notice that they will be increasing Baby J's visits with his birth mom. this only means one thing to me - CPS is preparing to send him home.

they can't just hand me a notice and expect me to be cool. don't they know i'm knocked up and full of CRAZY hormones.

i see a move to china in our future. surely a brown couple with a giant white 2 year old wont draw any attention.

yesterday i cried when my...

yesterday i cried when my kids asked me for a snack.

dont laugh.

i got so overwhelmed from hearing 'MOM' 13,846,903,804 times that when it was said for the 13,846,903,805th time i couldn't take it.

the pressure of having 3 toddlers that depend on you for EVERYTHING is heavy.

THERE'S NO CRYING IN MOTHERHOOD

i bet you never feel that way. i wish i could be more like you.

baby j celebrated his 2nd...

baby j celebrated his 2nd birthday yesterday. surrounded by friends and family. feeling as loved and spoiled as he deserves.

my prayer is that he is placed in the healthiest place for him. my prayer is that he is in the home that will show him TOO much love.

my prayer for him is that he will never know the turmoil of foster care that surrounds him.

baby j. you make me smile. i love you more and more each day. happy birthday.

i feel so much better...

i feel so much better going into this easter. last year i was a bit discouraged that easter snuck up on me and my kids were convinced easter was all about some damn bunny.

this year i've totally brainwashed them. bunnys have no place in our easter. for our family, easter is about the son of god sacrificing his life on the cross and rising THREE DAYS LATER.

crucified. crucified to set me free. crucified to set you free. yup. you. and. me. some ONE loves us that much.

i wish i was one of those...

i wish i was one of those moms who doesnt get pissed when their kids mix different colors of playdough together. but i do. i'm still a work in progress.

who knew that underwear...

who knew that underwear are so expensive!?!

now that kaleb is fully potty trained i needed to build a supply. i was shocked to find that his underwear are 3 for $6.99 or 6 for $13.99. HOLY COW. and his butt is so little!

when i was a ross the other day i saw a 5 pack for 5.99...i COULD NOT pass it up, so i bought them. i guess i should have known they were at Ross for a reason, because when he put them on...let just say he had no coverage on the left side.

Kaleb: where are the pictures? (the underwear were plain)
Me: there are no pictures on these ones.
Kaleb: mom, no buy cheap underwear any more.

damn middle class kids.

oh how i love you...

oh how i love you 50mm...you are my new best friend.
i've been waiting to buy this lens for sometime now, and finally got my hands on one. so glad i did. i didnt think my kids could look much cuter - but they do. look for yourself.

so much for WordlessWednesday...

so much for WordlessWednesday. you should know by now that me and lack of words dont really work.

Thanks to Nippon Nin, when she posted her recipe for Strawberry Shortcake, it kinda just went with the photo i had selected.

so. here. enjoy stormie eating a strawberry and then go check out Nippon Nin's recipe, make some AND send me a sample.

something you dont know....

Something you don't know about me....i never wanted to have children. Mike poisoned my brain to make me believe it was the right thing to do. i knew i never should have trusted him...but i did. The photo (left) is from a book i wrote for him "100 reasons we should not have kids" After all those reasons, i still failed to change his mind.

i had/have enormous doubts in my mind about my ability to care for and love unconditionally. you see. i have a secret. i. am. selfish. in fact it's my middle name. but kids do something to you. they intoxicate you with sweetness and cuteness and make you forget all about the mishap they had scissors and hair.

i'm glad he changed my mind, but i'll never admit it. ever.