Monday, March 7, 2011

some people dont like...

some people don't like to admit their jealous. i have no problem saying it....see i just said it - I'M JEALOUS.

Mike and i have taken a special interest in watching The Locator, mostly because of the adopted children who are seeking their biological parents. we know one day this conversation will come up in our home. and the truth is - as much as i wanna celebrate her being adopted, i dont wanna be reminded of the fact that she has another mother.

adoptive moms - please dont judge me. just let me get this off my chest.

i can already feel my heart hurting...what if my kids like their birthparents better? what if their funner? prettier? richer? smarter? what if they cook better? what if they ARE better? i'm just asking. and i'm asking out loud. which i should probably stop.

the truth is. i wanna be her only mother. her number 1. the truth is i'm fearful.

i got a nice kick in the but from Courtney at Storing Up Treasures...thanks for reminding me - it's not about me.

"Your kids are always going to love their birthparents. Always. I hope that instead of being hurt over it, you can give them the freedom to express this love. Give them space to feel their pain. Give them understanding and compassion. They need to know you will love them no matter what and that you will be their safe person to let it all out with. They need to know you aren't going to be hurt and that what they are feeling is normal. Pray for them. And direct them to the healer of all healers. Don't beat yourself up. Don't worry that there is something wrong. The pain they are experiencing is beyond anything you or I could ever begin to comprehend. Ever. But that doesn't mean that we can't love them through it."

8 comments:

  1. I read Courtney everyday and loved that quote. For us, we met her birthmom and totally love her. If it was up to me, I wish she could be involved in our everyday life. But, my situation is very different then yours and I believe my parents (who have done foster to adopt) feel a lot more like you. Hugs mama. She will always know that you are her mama!

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  2. I have to say that I too struggle with this. In fact I just got home a few hours ago from a visit with the bio parents. Watching them hold MY babies hurts every molecule of my heart!

    But this is how it has to be until we get to permanency. :(

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  3. My stepson is 19 and recently contacted by his birthmom. He was like "that's nice" and then nothing else. Your child is your child. And they know who their parents are.

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  4. I am at the opposite end because I dread the day my son asks for info on his birth family - not for me but for him. His story isn't a pretty one, and although it's closed adoption, the information we do have, and have subsquently come across, is disturbing and heartbreaking. There's no way to couch the facts when he is old enough to know the details. I can only hope he will view the adoption decision with compassion above all else.

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  5. My next door neighbor adapted two girls(sisters with medical problems) from foreign country. They are in process of adapting two more from China.
    I always amazed how they abundantly love their children. I think you're doing a wonderful job raising your children too. I disagree somewhat on 'your kids always going to love for their birth parents' part,,, then again I don't know anything about adoption. I'm just saying that we're not perfect.

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  6. Come on. No need to be all gracious about this, I think. Baloney. You're an amazing mom and that is totally sucky that you'd even have to compete with someone else for that title. I don't like it, not one bit.
    :P
    I know, it's probably a time that everyone has to go through, whether they are adopted or not-- the "who am I stage" in life can be rough to parents, and possibly way rougher here.
    You'll be tough through it, I'm sure.

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  7. But you are the one DOING everything for them...there is nothing that can replace that.

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