Friday, December 30, 2011

Court sucked yesterday.

Court sucked yesterday. Even with the tremendous amount of lies she's spewing out, it wasn't even discussed in court!

CPS asked for a continuance. What a surprise. This boy has been in foster care for 2 years 6 months and 9 days and nothing has fricken changed. This boy needs a forever family. I am already starting to see his confusion and behaviors change after a visit. Don't they know how badly an attachment disorder will mess him up? Do they even care?

So. What did happen yesterday? CPS thinks we have no chance of winning if we went to trial. So they recommended we go to mediating with her. That's right...they want us to kiss her but and bargain for a baby.

I'm not happy.

but before i end angry. please know i feel your prayers. its the only thing that keeps me from going nuts. i could not do this alone.

Friday, December 9, 2011

not so good news and good news.

sorry that it took me so long to post...many have email to find out the latest.

court was not good. not bad.
CPS is clearly unprepared and as of the 1st didnt know whose side they are taking. that's right, after 2.5 years of him being in foster care, they still know know their position. disgusting.

the GAL assures me that the slow pace of this case will work in my favor in the end. baby j is 2.5 and can not clearly express himself. is it too much to ask that they not leave him alone with a pedophile till he can clearly tell me what went on at the visit? thats what i want. court was continued till Dec 29th.

several people have advised that we (our family) seek legal counsel. have you done that before?


i got to witness one of gods children get a forever family on wednesday.
wednesday my friend paula became a mommy, again.
witnessing an adoption is so overwhelming.
Happy Adoption Day Chydon

As the Avett Brothers put it beautifully...

Always remember, there was nothing worth sharing
Like the love that let us share our name

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

i dont handle stress well...

i dont handle stress well. so if you see me today and i look a little wack, it's because i'm not handling my stress so well. it could also be because i'm self medicating with coffee.
tomorrow we are summoned to court for an emergency hearing to grant UNSUPERVISED visits to baby J's birth mother. to add to the mess, we lost the judge that has been with the case since the beginning. aside from my selfish motives of wanting him forever, i'm scared for his safety. if those visits are granted he will be left ALONE with a registered sex offender. i can't let my mind go there.

my faith is being shaken, but my foundation is unbreakable.
i may have flinched. but i have not lost hope.



Monday, November 28, 2011

the birth of kaleb...

the birth of kaleb took my faith to new heights. god knew i'd need the boost to continue in foster care.

kaleb is growing up...right in front of my eyes. he must have grown over night because he looks different today. stronger, smarter, bigger...

happy 4th birthday my boy.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

last week marked my daughters...

last week marked my daughters 5th year on this planet... It also marks our 5th year doing foster care. I didn't think I'd last a few weeks let alone 5 years. But. I fell in love with a blonde princess that i rescued from a pink castle high atop the koolaus...the rest is history.

So what have I learned...

I learned i must give grace to birth parents. They are hurting. Hurting people will try to hurt you. You are blessed so be a blessing...I know - easier said than done.

Also, Let yourself fall in love with your foster child. He deserves the unconditional love of a mother, even If it's gonna rip your heart out and send it through the meat grinder when he leaves.

And remember, you have no control. Not so good for the control freak mommas *raising hand*...Everything is left up to god...sure he puts social workers in the way but ultimately he calls the shots. surrender your children, worries and wishes to Him.

one last thing. there is no way i could be a successful foster parent without my family loving these children like their own. there is no way i could be successful without a community that encourages me. there is no way i can be successful without connecting with other foster/adopt families. so - thank you. thanks for everything. we're in this together.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

i wasn't with you...

I wasn't with you on the day you were born, we didn't meet till 9 days later. From what you tell me you were born with a crown, glowing yellow hair and a dragon was hiding you in a big pink castle. Sounds about right to me. Happy 5th birthday my princess.

Sunday, November 6, 2011


i think this weeks challenge at i heart faces is a little.... challenging...

the theme for this week is black. There are already some great entries, so stop by to check them out.

so here is my submission. this hero. even superhero's have to eat.

IMG_3013 copy

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

i can't wait till some...


i can't wait till some genius comes out with a useful study.
none of this:

and the best yet....

a study finds studies are useless

why can't someone come out with a study that says, women are better mommies after pounding a margarita at noon. i know i'd be a better mommy. funner, sillier...thats exactly what the world needs...a bunch of hammered women raising babies.

since i can't have the noon keg stand, i've been forced to add a second cup of coffee to my far it's improved my patience and ability to stay awake during lunch time.

how many cups of coffee are you up to?


Monday, October 10, 2011

i heart faces - hands

this weeks challenge at i heart faces is hands!

i immediately knew what to share...i love this photo of my rocker!

Go check out the other entries and leave them some love!!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

steve jobs...

steve jobs - you were an amazing visionary of our time...thankfully your mother chose life. thankfully your mother chose adoption.

Monday, September 26, 2011

sometimes i forget that...

sometimes i forget that Baby J is not mine.
i catch myself falling in love with him every time i hold him.
i love him and hug him and squeeze him.
then i get mad at myself for falling in love with him all over again.

it is in times like these, i ask god for less of me and more of him in this mission field he has called us to...foster care.

Baby J. i can't wait to love you forever.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

just jenn always has...

just jenn always has the tastiest, easiest recipes.
last week she posted a recipe for shoyu chicken with a twist! CRISPY SHOYU CHICKEN!
and EASY.
the kids ate it up!
be sure to visit her site for the recipe. and because her pictures of the meal are 100x's better than mine!
thanks jenn.

Friday, September 9, 2011

stormie girl. you are the...

stormie girl.
you are the sweetest thing that my eyes have ever seen.
you are the brightest star in the sky.
i am indebted to the angels who made me your mommy.

happy adoption-versary.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Wordless Wednesday

my little guy and i love hold hands while we nap...and by we, i mean him.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

i am a doctors worst

i am a doctors worst nightmare. that is a fact. one or two of them have told me themselves.

you see - i'm smarter. i know more than them. they just dont know it. prior to going in (whether for the kids or myself) i have a list of questions that i already know the answers do i know the answers? GOOGLE. ha!!

my kids pediatrician (who is awesome) has two rules just for me...


he'll see the light one day.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

i'm lost.

i'm lost.
i'm lost. my compass is broken and i have no map.
not a good place to be when your in charge.
our daughter started school in a regular ed classroom...two days in the issues began
3 weeks in and its getting worse.
her mommy is clueless.
as a mommy - nothing breaks your heart more than not knowing how to help your kid. i WANT to help stormie but i dont know how. so i sit and watch her suffer.
sensory processing disorder and her behavioral issues have left me defeated.

i can not be defeated. i will not be defeated.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

i heart faces - pets

i am so excited i finally have a pets photo to share! this weeks theme at i heart faces is PETS - go over and check out the other great entries!

Meet Lady B. my new niece.


Monday, August 15, 2011


i haven't had much time to enter the i heart faces challenges, but when i saw this weeks theme, i knew exactly what to enter! here is photo of my daughter when she was 2. be sure to check out the i heart faces page for more entries!


Monday, August 8, 2011

the DOW is just about...

the DOW is just about 500 points down.

bye bye investments. bye bye retirement. should have listened to my grandma and kept my money in my bra.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

on the day you were...

on the day you were born

the earth turned, the moon pulled, the sun flared and then, with a push,

you slipped out of the dark quiet
where suddenly you could hear
a circle of people singing
with voices familiar and clear.
ezekiel kūha'o

*debra frasier*

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

say hello to the...

say hello to the newest member of our ohana!
apparently i only make boys.
apparently i only make perfect

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

just in case your wondering...

just in case your wondering, i'm still preggo...
as of today, 9 days past the due date.

darn this stubborn child, but i'll hold out as long as the doctor allows me.

it's mostly driving me NUTS to not know if its a BOY or GIRL...

i'm hoping for another boy...which do you prefer?

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

i have a new pretend...

i have a new pretend curse word. ready? Bido Shite!! say it. yell it. doesn't it feel like your cursing?

my kids are getting to the age of repeating, and i have a fear they will be calling their classmates bastards sooner than i think. so i stole this word from stormie and made it my own.

*bido shite* is actually the way stormie says *mosquito bite*

Monday, July 11, 2011

i was sitting in church...

i was sitting in church thinking this woman was hugging her young daughter...then the congregation stood up and to my surprise, what i thought was a young girl was her elderly mother. she looked so little and fragile!

then it got me thinking how stormie will be taller than me in just a few short years and how she will hopefully care for me, when i can't do it on my own.

it got me thinking that i better be nicer to her, or she's gonna get her revenge!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

so sorry to disappoint...

so sorry to disappoint you stormie, but no mommy is not having a baby Justin Bieber.

Stormie: mommy. you have a baby justin bieber in your tummy?

me: nooooo....

Stormie: i want my own baby beiber with blue eyes. no, mom. i want three babies.

me: SILENT...i have nothing.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

i fed my family Tater Tot...

i fed my family tater tot casserole on thursday. if you watch the duggers, then you know exactly what it is.

this is the closest i'll ever become to being michelle dugger. i once tried to speak in her soft voice, but it didnt work on my crazies. so i went back to sinning. its a good thing god loves sinners. he told me.

out of 3 kids, only 1 ate it. i think the lack of color kinda frightened them. on the bright side, my hubby and i had yummy. as you can tell, this isn't the healthiest of meals, but since i'm the one knocked up, then i get to pick what we eat. this is not my photo...mine didnt come out this pretty. you can see the photo, and the VERY simple recipe i used at Cooking with Carrie.

Friday, June 17, 2011

mikie. you should know...

mikie. you should know that i see you.

i see how handsome you are.
i see how hard you work for us.
i see you tired but still playing hide and seek.
i see you staring at me when i'm not looking.
i see you trying to be a better daddy

i see you. and you are still the
keeper of my heart.

Happy Fathers Day.


I haven't participated in the I Heart Faces fix it friday in a long time! i'm glad to be get my editing skills some practice. here are my fixes...


Wednesday, June 15, 2011

FULL of words Wednesday

i dont have the will power to share JUST a photo...

i was looking at old photos...stormie was just 2 months old...

mike and stormie. a love story that began when we met her in the NICU at 10 days old. he hasn't been able to take his eyes off of her since. i am so lucky that god gave him the same kind of love for children in foster care. the ability to love ANY child in our home. i am so glad god gave him to us.


Monday, June 13, 2011

we took our kids...

we took our kids camping for the first time! what an experience! we have so many great memories, can't wait to do it again.

Midsummer Joys
by Winifred Sackville Stoner, Jr.

Give me the joys of summer,
Of SUMMER QUEEN so fair,

With wealth of lovely flowers
And fruits and sun-kissed air!

Talk not to me of winter
With ice and frost and snow,
Nor changing spring and autumn
When howling winds will blow.

No, I will take the joys
Of SUMMER every time,
So to this Queen of Seasons
I dedicate my rhyme.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

when i think of paula...

when i think of paula dean i think BUTTER. totally a good thing. because butter makes everything better. my sister discovered this recipe for Gorilla Bread and within a matter of seconds we were in the kitchen attempting to make it.
Chocolate Gorilla Bread

  • 3 tablespoons granulated sugar
  • 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1 cup light brown sugar, packed
  • 8 tablespoons butter (1 stick)
  • 2 tubes refrigerated crescent roll dough (12 ounces)
  • 3 tablespoons sweetened condensed milk
  • 2 bananas, sliced 1/4-inch to make thick 48 slices
  • 4 ounces semisweet chocolate chips (about 2/3 cup)
  • 1 1/2 cups walnuts, chopped
  • Cooking Directions
  • Preheat oven to 350°F. Spray a Bundt pan with non-stick cooking spray. Mix the granulated sugar and cinnamon. In a small saucepan, melt the brown sugar with the butter over low heat.

    Break open the crescent roll packages and separate the triangles of dough. Brush each triangle with sweetened condensed milk and top with 2 banana slices and 1 teaspoon chocolate chips; fold the edges of the triangle together and seal. Sprinkle each with 1/4 teaspoon of the cinnamon sugar.

    Place half of the walnuts in the pan and top with half of the dough packets. Pour half of the brown sugar-butter mixture over the dough and sprinkle with 2 teaspoons of the cinnamon sugar. Repeat with the remaining ingredients. Bake for 1 hour, until puffed, golden brown, and firm to the touch. Transfer the pan to a rack and allow to cool for 5 minutes. Place a platter on top of the pan and invert. Serve warm.

  • SO sorry for the horrible FINAL photo...but i was KINDA in a hurry to eat em'. SO delish. Paula Your Da' Man.

    Monday, June 6, 2011

    i call people fool...

    i call people fool on a daily basis.

    after 35 years of sitting in church, this weekend i learned what the bible says about that.

    (Matthew 5:22) - "... and whoever says, 'You fool,' shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell."

    i'm guessing i'm on the elevator headed down.


    Tuesday, May 31, 2011

    my princess graduated last week...

    my princess graduated last week. when did i get old enough to have a daughter entering kindergarten? when i look in the mirror i still see 23 year old. a very immature, selfish 23 year old.

    this was a big accomplishment for her...2 years in a special needs preschool and now she will be transitioning to a regular ed. classroom. i dont know if she's ready. all i can do is PRAYPRAYPRAY.

    i do know that i will do everything i can to help her succeed. to help her be the best she can be. stormie. my shining star. mommy is so proud of you.

    Wednesday, May 25, 2011

    if you dont laugh...

    If you dont laugh at this photo, something is seriously wrong with you.

    this is a photo of my daughters preschool class that was posted at their graduation.


    Thursday, May 19, 2011

    this is love.

    this is love.
    love is not jealous.
    love does not boast.
    love does not dishonor others.

    today i am not acting in love.
    today i am acting in selfishness.
    today i dont want Baby J to go back with his birth mom.
    today i am praying that i will be his forever family.
    today i am praying that the judge gives my family favor.
    today i am praying i will not return from court with a broken heart.
    this is not perfect love.
    this is my love.

    Wednesday, May 18, 2011

    i am home.

    i am home.

    when i walk in the door i get of whif of the diapers sitting by the door

    when i step on an army man that leaves in indent in my heel

    when i'm summoned to the bathroom to wipe someones butt

    when i break up a brawl between 3 toddlers.

    when i am demanded to kiss a booboo

    when i exhausted

    i am home.

    Friday, May 13, 2011

    my parents have a pet.

    my parents have a pet. she's been in the family for years. she's so cute and ugly at the same time. My daughter refuses to believe she's all dog. She insist she's half dog half cat. i personally think the dog looks like a lab rat gone wrong. but she's so ugly she's cute.

    meet PRINCESS. part cat. part dog. part lab rat.
    my mom is gonna kill me for writing this, but she forgave me for making fun of her other pet...

    Monday, May 9, 2011

    blogging is hard when...

    blogging is hard when your surrounded by sick kids. my daughter had a stomach bug last week, and now Kaleb has it. YUCK. kaleb does a Montessori Based HomeSchool Program, so we worked on refining (in the words of Kaleb) our *HO PUNCHING* skills. a skill that will come in useful someday. i mean, don't you use your HO PUNCHING skills often?

    Tuesday, May 3, 2011

    i was getting my daughter...

    i was getting my daughter dressed for her MayDay Program at school, when i turned around she was missing. i found her in the restroom.

    me: what are you doing?
    stormie: mom...i had to do my gloss and fix my boobs, they were too high.

    this little girl is growing up way too fast for me.