Friday, October 29, 2010
i was having an anxiety attack because baby j's worker called to see if she could come by to *discuss some stuff* - YIKES. i immediately went to dark thoughts of them taking him today! i know highly unlikely BUT i was scared. she instead came to ensure that my husband and i were still on board to want to adopt him, if his birth mothers rights are terminated. our answer: YES.
we go to court in December, which i'm not that confident about but she is, so i'm riding on her confidence.
i can't wait till we're off the foster care roller coaster - i'm never riding it again. yes i am. no i'm not. yes i am. no i'm not. yes i am.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
today i watched oprah. she featured the story of a couple that lost their 3 young children in a car accident - AT THE SAME TIME. there was no humanly way possible for me to stop my crying. my heart aches for them. hurts for them.
i complain that my kids are crazy. they are. but i would love to live this crazy life a million days than to never have lived it at all.
my 3 crazies.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
when i am at the farm, i feel like i am in a different world.
there is no hate. there is no anger. there is no waste. there is only learning. love. acceptance. sharing. respect.
my kids know this feeling. they beg me to go there ALL the time.
they know that at the farm - there is no limit to learning. exploring. touching.
peaceful. rest. connection with mother earth.
and to sweeten the deal...after a hard days work - you leave with yummy loot.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
after three little boys my friend Kassandra has added a princess to her ohana. She is such a beauty and i was so so happy to snap a photo of her sleeping soundly. congratulations on your princess!!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
last week marked baby j's 1 year anniversary in foster care. not sure if anniversary is the correct word. it almost makes it sound joyous. it marked his one year with our family. in one year nothing has changed. we're still waiting. and waiting. waiting for the foster care system to make a move. waiting for a birth mother to make a move. waiting. in fact, the title of the blog should have been *one year in foster care will get you NO WHERE*
when my friends were going through tuff times last week, it got me scared. i am in too far now. there is no turning back. if we lose him. we lose a piece of us.
oh baby j. will you stay with me forever.
Friday, October 15, 2010
i heart faces has their weekly editing challenge posted. Go check out some of their great entries...
Here is my try at this weeks edit.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
kaleb and baby c
babies have a way of stealing your heart. foster babies have a habit of stealing your heart and then breaking it into a million tiny pieces when they leave your home.
wow. that was harsh. but yesterday was a day of not so good news.
today, a fellow foster mommy will lose her foster baby that has been with her for 17 months. to top that off, a good friend of mine is in serious jeopardy of losing her foster son (baby c)...
i would love to see these children return to safe, healthy homes. but that just isn't the case here. makes me sad that the foster care system isn't really set up to protect children. it's set up to shuffle kids around with the illusion of fixing broken adults.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
i totally judge people with christian stickers on their car. like if they cut me off i think "that's totally not a christian thing to do." and that is exactly why i dont put a christian sticker on my car. because for some reason that is where the evil in my life makes an appearance. i honk. i brake. i may even give you the evil eye. so a christian sticker on my car would give the GOOD christians a bad name.
dont hate. i'm being honest.
so. do you do the same?
Friday, October 8, 2010
dear god. yesterday baby nacho barfed on me and it smelt so good. i wore the barfed on shirt all day and tried to find the smell. my husband says i am disturbed. for once, he just may be right. i need another baby pronto. think you could work on that? sometime before i'm 40 please.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
sometimes the best worship sessions i have with the kids are in the car. stormie on air drums, kaleb on air guitar, baby J on the robot and me and hillsong on vocals.
i love watching them sing out to the lord, loud and joyful. praising him by reaching their little hands to the heavens. it is such a good feeling. a relaxing feeling. a secure feeling - like i know they'll be ok when they grow up. secure in themselves and their values.
having your own kids, gives you a whole new perspective on trials I put my parents through as a kid. in the car i started to think of all the times i veered away from god and the values my parents gave me. it made me sad to think of how badly i may have hurt them. then it crossed my mind that it if hurt them, imagine how bad i hurt our heavenly father. imagine how betrayed he felt. i said it before and i'll say it again - thank you jesus for your grace.
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
Monday, October 4, 2010
siblings. you can't live with em'. you can't live without em'. i got a chance to spend some time taking photos of the ishigaki kids at the moanalua gardens. it is absolutely beautiful, koi pond, taro patch, so many monkey pod trees!
thank you ishigaki ohana for playing with me! loves your smiles!