Monday, August 30, 2010

it's funny how child welfare services... {hawaii foster care blog}

it's funny how child welfare services wants you to love your foster child, but not really.

what do they expect when they place a 4lb 26week, sick premie in your care...that you won't attach and bond and love. a friend of mine was told that her family was too attached to the child they've had in their home for 9 months. are you serious? because they have toys for him? because he feels like it's him home? because he feels he has a family?

when our daughter was a foster child we were discouraged from giving her a 1st birthday party. why? because she's not our kid. then what's the point of foster homes? why dont we just place them in a hole where they never attach to anyone. in the end i did what was in the best interest of her. a party. so she could have photos, and know she was loved from the beginning of her life. image that...being loved in foster care.

these foster children DESERVE to have a family. even if it's a temporary family. a mom, dad, sisters, brothers, rules, parties, toys, and everything that comes with it. our foster babies deserve to NEVER know the drama and and politics that surrounds them.

so make up your mind CPS, do you or dont you want me to make my foster children feel at home?


  1. Well said for voices that are too small to carry.

  2. AMEN! As a former foster parent- having adopted 6 of our 8 children through the "system" we often said- he he he- is this foster care approved? As we laughed saying- who cares. This child needs love and understanding- not a stick figure!

  3. I don't get it. I just don't get it.

    Don't children need love? Don't they need to feel special? Don't they need these things regardless of where they live?

  4. Our state agency didn't want to license us as a foster home - because we'd get too attached. Bull-arkey!!!

  5. Such a sad "rule" that they have. I think children should know that they are valued and deserve to be loved. Our world is a better place because of people like you!

  6. kristi - exactly why i had to shout it out.
    are these - ha ha...who cares is right!
    elizabeth - THANKS!
    erin -apparently not too loved...cause then they start to form bonds and heaven forbid they might think people LOVE.
    penelope - AGREE!
    hawaiian - EXACTLY!

  7. Would they prefer to place babies and children in institutions or orphanages with minimal human contact so they don't attach to caregivers?

    History and research has proven that children need LOVE and PHYSICAL CONTACT and ATTACHMENT TO CAREGIVERS in order to survive and thrive.

    What's in the best interest of the child seems like a no-brainer to me!

  8. I agree! This is fantastic and they need to hear it!

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  10. AMEN! When they say "So & so was too attached" I want to smack them. You try doing this and not getting attached, let alone how that would effect our kids if we fed into that crap.

    If you are a good foster parent you treat the kids like they are your own and you just can't help it.

    If you are a crappy foster parent who "doesn't get attached" you are using these kids for the money and more than likely you also are likely to get the kids removed once CPS finds out what is really going on in your house.

    Someday, even if only in heaven, these people will see the error of that thought process and fall on their face in repentance of THAT attitude.

  11. Just found your blog, and WOW! My parents are foster parents, and we have had several kids, and some heartbreak. Right now we are fighting to get the bio brother of the little girl we have, because he is at the stage where he has been moved so many times, he is not bonding with anyone. It is scary, and we are praying he will be allowed to! And the number of times we have been told that we "do too much, give them too much, are too attached" I cannot even keep track. Which is RIDICULOUS!

    Anyways, just wanted to say I will def be going through and reading your blog! Love reading other foster parents blogs and seeing other journeys!

  12. Follow your heart and what God tells you in your prayers.

  13. Mary - My thoughts exactly!
    Leah - right?!? if you can't muster up some love for orphaned children that live with you, then you might have a problem!
    Beck - thank you so much for visiting! your situation is similar to ours...we have already adopted a daughter and now are caring for her brother, who is still in foster care. Do you have a blog?

    Serline - Absolutely!

  14. Have they never read up on attachment? Children who have attached to caregivers can then transfer that attachment to parents later and have healthy attachments to others throughout their life. Those who have never attached will have a hard time with relationships throughout their lives. I know I'm preaching to the choir here on your blog, but couldn't help but chime in.

  15. I hate that feel like you have to hide the fact that you are really bonding...pretend you don't care so they won't snatch the baby away and put him somewhere else.

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