i liked foster care...

i liked foster care better when Baby J didnt know what was going on. now's he's 3.5 years and knows exactly whats going on. it sucks.

3.5 years into this case and not a single thing has changed.

it seems every week his birthmother is looking for a reason to destroy us. yes, destroy. this week she believes he is not being fed. she believes he is malnourished. after his doctor didnt entertain her accusations, she switched physicians. luckily, CPS ordered it back to the old one.

this week Baby J will be subjected to test after test to PROVE that he is malnourished. bone scans, blood tests, kidney and thyroid checks...it was enough to make me cry last night. i am incredibly sad for him. i am sad that i can't help him. i'm sad that i can't stop people from torturing him. what kind of protector am i. i'm not. i am no one. legally i am have NO say. and when this physician is done, she will select a different physician for a second opinion. she has already stated her intentions.

because she thinks he's not fat enough she sends him home with stuff like this after every visit -
     *2 Chocolate puddings
     *1 Chocolate cake
     *4 Chocolate cupcakes
     *1 Thomas Gummy Candy
     *1 Jello
     *1 left over Burger King kids meal
     *1 Flavored Water
     *1 Chocolate Milk
     *1 Pack Sour Candy
     *1 Pack Arare
     *1 Fruit Roll Up

and i'm the bad one...

18 months have gone...

18 months have gone and my baby is not so baby anymore.

he is still perfect though.

he loves to

dance
suck his binky
lay where ever he pleases
eats non-stop
break into my iphone
shred rolls of toilet paper

i love him.

today i saw a...

today i saw a girl on tv who made me think - thats what stormie will look like and act like when she grows up.

the girl was a gorgeous blondie, active, caring, smart, and very adventurous.

i can see that for my princess. i'm excited to see the person she will become.

this weekend our pastor...

this weekend our pastor reminded us to dress in your armor before you face the day. only thing is, i'm scared i might get mad at someone and accidentaly stab em with the sword of the spirit. i dont think jesus meant for it to be used that way.

let me tell you about...

let me tell you about this amazing organization called Together We Rise. I posted a photo of baby J on instgram. baby j was wearing his halloween costume (spiderman) weeks after halloween and the director of Together We Rise  saw the photo. he asked if his organization could send him a Sweet Case.

a week or so later Baby J received a box in the mail. i can't tell you the excitement he had JUST from getting mail! there were so many awesome things inside. and Baby J was CRAZY with excitement that he had friends that loved him. i love seeing his face when he feels loved.

Baby J is going through a hard time right now. no fault of his own. but he is a confused little man. i just love seeing him happy. and i love seeing him loved.

thank you Together We Rise, for helping this little guy feel loved.

If you have connection, recourses, time, and or money, they are a great organization to consider making a gift to. All of their programs focus on foster children.

when i pick you up...

when i pick you up, you feel heavier.
when i wrap my arm around you, you feel wider.
when i talk to you, you seem smarter.

it must be because today you're turning 5.

kaleb. the kindest boy i know. you will be someone great.


Happy Birthday

i hate when i...

i hate when i can't find the babys pacifiers! i swear when i need one there are none in sight, yet when there is one - all 8 of them show up!

so i was digging through my couch to find one. not only did i find enough sand to fill a small island, i found....

*Princess Mirror

*3 Scrabble pieces

*hot wheel

*crayon

*necklace

*school ID

*site word card

*block

*binkie

*purple hair clip

*Green thing that i have no clue what it is

what's in your couch?