i almost forgot to...

i almost forgot to share this image with the blogging world.

i walked into my daughters room and she was playing with her new dollhouse...well it almost looks like she was setting up a scene from a frat house party.

kids.

I can't believe my...

I can't believe my mom bought my daughter a Justin Bieber toothbrush.

This is the same lady who swore I'd end up in hell if I ever listened to anything other than a hymn.

This is the same lady, that at a mention of a boys name, spouted off...IT'S NOT THAT I DONT TRUST YOU...I DONT TRUST THE DEVIL.

who is this lady? and where was she when i was growing up?

oh. and by the way...you better believe i'm gonna use that line on my daughter as soon as she mentions dating.

i get into some battles...

i get into some battles with my daughter. by the way - she's a newly minted 5 years old. at some point one of us has to grow up and act like the adult.

I don't care that I'm not your best friend anymore...I'm rubber your glue...whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks back to you - so there!

I'm guessing it's me...

faith is much easier...

Faith is much easier to talk, faith is very difficult to walk.

It's easier to be faithful when things are going my way.

These are things I'm noticing within myself as my chances of keeping baby j diminish.

I am not faithless.

I know gods will, will prevail. the thing is, i'm not sure gods will and what i want to be gods will are the same thing...

Court sucked yesterday.

Court sucked yesterday. Even with the tremendous amount of lies she's spewing out, it wasn't even discussed in court!

CPS asked for a continuance. What a surprise. This boy has been in foster care for 2 years 6 months and 9 days and nothing has fricken changed. This boy needs a forever family. I am already starting to see his confusion and behaviors change after a visit. Don't they know how badly an attachment disorder will mess him up? Do they even care?

So. What did happen yesterday? CPS thinks we have no chance of winning if we went to trial. So they recommended we go to mediating with her. That's right...they want us to kiss her but and bargain for a baby.

I'm not happy.

but before i end angry. please know i feel your prayers. its the only thing that keeps me from going nuts. i could not do this alone.

not so good news and good news.

sorry that it took me so long to post...many have email to find out the latest.

court was not good. not bad.

CPS is clearly unprepared and as of the 1st didnt know whose side they are taking. that's right, after 2.5 years of him being in foster care, they still know know their position. disgusting.

the GAL assures me that the slow pace of this case will work in my favor in the end. baby j is 2.5 and can not clearly express himself. is it too much to ask that they not leave him alone with a pedophile till he can clearly tell me what went on at the visit? thats what i want. court was continued till Dec 29th.

several people have advised that we (our family) seek legal counsel. have you done that before?

ON A HAPPIER NOTE....

i got to witness one of gods children get a forever family on wednesday.

wednesday my friend paula became a mommy, again.

witnessing an adoption is so overwhelming.

Happy Adoption Day Chydon

As the Avett Brothers put it beautifully...

Always remember, there was nothing worth sharing

Like the love that let us share our name

i dont handle stress well...

i dont handle stress well. so if you see me today and i look a little wack, it's because i'm not handling my stress so well. it could also be because i'm self medicating with coffee.

tomorrow we are summoned to court for an emergency hearing to grant UNSUPERVISED visits to baby J's birth mother. to add to the mess, we lost the judge that has been with the case since the beginning. aside from my selfish motives of wanting him forever, i'm scared for his safety. if those visits are granted he will be left ALONE with a registered sex offender. i can't let my mind go there.

my faith is being shaken, but my foundation is unbreakable.

i may have flinched. but i have not lost hope.

must.go.pray.must.go.beg.

'